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Saturday, March 21, 2009

...AND THE FIRE BURNS OUT

I sometimes see my self as a wierd person,
Because there are just some actions of mine which
I find questionable.
This actions of mine is making me
wonder if I would ever get married.

The longest relationship, and that is if I can call it that,
I ever had is for about 6 months.
I sometimes wonder if any one is going to ever love me
or if I am actually capable of ever loving any one.
Even my friends have given up on me.
The point is, the passion or infatuation I
feel for these guys burns out quickly.
All of a sudden, I feel nothing.
The feelings just vanish and I feel empty
The whole kissing, cuddling and callings soon tire me,
most especially the sex.
I have not meet that guy who would make want to have sex,
They are just all about having sex anyways,
never making you want it.
I guess that is the missing link.......................

I have been sex and boyfriend free for 9 months now.
I don't miss either, but I miss the kisses and cuddlings.
Serious relationships are just not my thing,
the moment the guy starts getting to close
and asking questions, i tune him out.
Maybe because I have always been used to doing
thing my own way, I always find it difficult taking
commands or opinions from people before getting them done,
not even from my mother.
That idea of two become one does not really work for me.
The environment I grew up is not helping matters also,
I grew up with my mum doing all those things, parents do, for me,
receiving no support from my father or her husband.
Also my aunties live like that.
So I grew up with this view of a woman taking care of herself and family.
I don't think I have ever envision my self as a married woman,
not to talk of imagining what my wedding day would be like.

I always seen my self as a single mother like mum,
Get pregnant for some guy I fancy, since I just my not love him
And save myself the head aches of marriage, that how mother go through.
Some say its bad of me to think that way, but
I think that is the best I can ever get.

I don't see myself getting married, because it is expected of me.
I want to do it because it is what I want to do and
not vice versa.
May be some day the fire wil not burn out
and I woud be able to love and get married
only time will tell.......................................................................

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

you just have to take is easy, it would always come at the right time

wordmerchant said...

You hava a lot of good points esp the marriage thing...

However you are an individual of great potential and capabilities...don't limit yourself, the possibilities are endless :)

Love will find you...it always does that.

Nice blog xxx

Ms. SpicyTee said...

Don't give up on yourself..


In-dependency is good a times, but could also make you do things irrationally a times.

You're only thinking like that because of the way you are brought up. start wishing for things on a postive note..I'm sure you're going to get there honey.

Just take things easy,everything will fall into places at the right time..

RocNaija said...

I guess like you said.. The environment plays a huge impact on your current mindset..

And it'll take something huge to make you snap out of it and see things differently..

I no sabi advise so I'll just say time will tell..

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