Monday, April 27, 2009

8765 days AGO

Yesterday for my birthday,
8764 days ago, i was expelled from my mothers womb.
My preganancy had been a controversial as
my birth father refused to accept resonsibility of me.
He was not denying the fact that i was his,
he just did not not need or want me in his life.
His wife was also pregnant at that time.
That is gist for another day.
I am just happy to be a year older.
With the best message from my bank,
prayers from my besto,
and messages from the least expected,
my day couldn't have been more wonderful.
I spent the day at home with my family,
doing nothing, just savouring the fact that am now 24.
I just thank Almighty God for making come this far,
and not ever disappointing.
For making a head and one who is looked up to and
vice versa.
I look forward to having a wonderful year and
achieving alot even beyond expectations.
So help me God.

Friday, April 17, 2009


Mother Hen abeg, forgive me,
I am seriously begging.
For I have snuffed life out one of your chicks.
Forgive mother hen,
for I deprived you of one of your joys
eventhough, she would end up in the pot of soup one day
This I did, unintentionally, absent-mindedly and accidentally.
I did not even know that I stepped on her,
not until i heard the cry........................................
Abeg, make una help me beg am.
because she appears in my dream.
I have not had a nice sleep since that day.
I am seriously sad because it felt
like I had cut shourt the life of an human being.
Abeg one again forgive,
so that I can return to my sleep
and may her soul rest in perfect peace

Thursday, April 9, 2009


The past few weeks I have been feeling disconnected
from everything especially religion and I wonder why?
I find myself asking rhetoric questions.
I just do not feel any form of connection with God anymore
when praying; prayer has become a routine for me.
There is no anxiety or excitement.
I don’t usually feel that aura, his presence like I should.
I feel like or rather I know that am not reaching out to
God like am supposed to.
There are days when I don't even feel like praying
and this is an essential part of Islam.
I don’t think I really know him enough to
truly and whole-heartedly worship him.
Maybe this is the reason for the lack of connection I feel.
I really did not have a strong background in religion
Never really went to Arabic school and my family members
are not particularly, the religious type.
I would call them Chrislams and am one of the few devotional
Muslims in the family, the only female one.
I’m not the conventional Muslim or the expected type.
Asides from observing the daily compulsory prayers
and fasting in the month of Ramadan, I do nothing else.
The only congregational prayer I attend is the Ju’mat service.
You would not find me at an asalatu, event though
I was the pioneer in my family.
I just do not feel I place in such gatherings.
They have become more of an association than religious gatherings.
Words cannot express how I really feel
I basically feel like I have lost my bearings
I just hope ALLAH does not give up on me,
because right now I feel lost and I hope to find him