DISCONNECTED

The past few weeks I have been feeling disconnected
from everything especially religion and I wonder why?
I find myself asking rhetoric questions.
I just do not feel any form of connection with God anymore
when praying; prayer has become a routine for me.
There is no anxiety or excitement.
I don’t usually feel that aura, his presence like I should.
I feel like or rather I know that am not reaching out to
God like am supposed to.
There are days when I don't even feel like praying
and this is an essential part of Islam.
I don’t think I really know him enough to
truly and whole-heartedly worship him.
Maybe this is the reason for the lack of connection I feel.
I really did not have a strong background in religion
Never really went to Arabic school and my family members
are not particularly, the religious type.
I would call them Chrislams and am one of the few devotional
Muslims in the family, the only female one.
I’m not the conventional Muslim or the expected type.
Asides from observing the daily compulsory prayers
and fasting in the month of Ramadan, I do nothing else.
The only congregational prayer I attend is the Ju’mat service.
You would not find me at an asalatu, event though
I was the pioneer in my family.
I just do not feel I place in such gatherings.
They have become more of an association than religious gatherings.
Words cannot express how I really feel
I basically feel like I have lost my bearings
I just hope ALLAH does not give up on me,
because right now I feel lost and I hope to find him
Soon.......................................................................