So far...

Happy new year every one. Even though am one of those who see the new year as a simple change in number, i still acknowledge it. I have just been taking the days as they come. Boo refuses to accept our break up and believes we can work it out. Just not up for arguing with him. He still very much calls me even though he has been very busy. Mum asked of him some days back and i just casually said he was fine. She sense something is wrong but she can not ask as i did not introduce him as my bf to her. ready to face the year and hope it turns out better than the last year. dare8 0gu

Already Gone-written 23/12/2009

Listening to for the first time to the lyrics of Kelly Clarkson's song-Already Gone
I have always had Kelly Clarkson’s “Already Gone” on my system a while back and I just loved the music but I never took the time to listen to the lines of the song. I was in love with her voice and I just knew it was a break up song.

Last night I particularly listened to it and I realized I was already gone.
I was already gone from my relationship to boo
I had already let go go of the realtionship without realizing it
I have made the decision to leave my boo.
We were never meant to be, we were always meant to say good bye and I am deciding to make the decision.
We are physically and emotionally compatible

But….
Spiritually we are totally incompatible.
Love could not keep this our love alive
I fell in love; yes I fell in love with the wrong person.
The first time I feel love, I fall in love with the wrong person.
The last four months of my life have been the best in years.
I found the man of my dreams and it so happens he is wrong for me.
He is there for me; he gave me joy and peace of mind.
He was one who overlooks my exuberance and I sure do have many.
Talking to him gives me so much inexperienced joy.
He is all I have ever wanted in a man.
I am stuck and can’t move on.

I realized I can never change my religion, its who I am, my religion is my identity.
I love being a muslim, I believe in the tenets of the religion
Our relationship would then be a sham, if I stopped being who I am simply because I want to keep a relationship and get married.
I have never been one to choose man over my God.
I have lost myself in the world and I am trying to find myself and I cannot be selfish to have him hanging there.
To move on, I have to let go of him.

I have always wanted a man who I can connect with spiritually, who I can worship my God with. A man who would lead me and embark on my spiritual journey with me.
He is just not that man
He says we would work but we just would remain stuck and it might be too late to recover from whatever pain we would cause each other in the end.

I am sad doing this, because I am letting go of one of the best things in my life.
But I believe we shall find joy at the end of tunnel.
The road will surely lead to happiness for both of us.

Compliments of the season to you all and Happy New Year in Advance, even if I enter mine single with a broken heart.

ONE CHANCE!!!

My blogsville people,
Help me thank God for not allowing me to enter one chance oh!

This is not the literal, entering bus and being duped and all.
Let me explain!!!

I have got this policy of never going back to boyfriend, after break up and this is my saving grace.

Three months ago, I met him and He was begging me to come back to him, telling me how much he loves me and that this is for real and he would like to make me his wife.
My little sister was there and the big mouth did not waste time in telling mu mum when we got home.

I had told him, point blank then, that I had no more feelings for him and that nothing can make me come back to him.

We are friends and my mother knew him.
He used to come around to my house and would stay for hours.
My mother was even rooting for him.
So you can imagine my mother's reaction when my sister told her, about his proposal and my refusal.

The thought of considering him,never crossed my mind,
as I had the feeling that he want true and I would infact be settling.
I have not heard from him in a while and have never bothered to check his profile on facebook.

I ran into him on monday, I had actually got to their house
Normally when I vist, we usually enter the house, but this day he offered me a seat outside. I did not pay particular attention, as there was no light and I was not ready for seating down in some heat.
I did not notice his finger, until he told me that he was now married.
I mean he was 3weeks married.
Didn't you see my profile on facebook, he said. Like I have the time to start checking everyone's profile.

They had been going out for 8years.
Meaning, even when we were together, he was with her.
Even, when he was asking me to come back to him, She was in his life.
He even has the effrontery to tell me that, at least he asked me.
See me see maga.
All these time, I have spent with him, I never knew she existed, even after we broke up and became friends.
Dudes can be something else.


Am thanking God, for not letting me make the greatest mistake of my life.
I never slept with him, I was still a virgin, when I was him and
He just never felt like one I should give it to.
All we ever did was the kiss and smooch.

I am so grateful, it never went beyond that and
Particularly grateful, I did not give him a second chance.
That would have been worse!!!

MY FRIEND NOT

Seeing you today,
I realized one thing,
I have refused to acknowledge all these years.
You are not my friend.
You are just a girl who existed in my life
for the past 14 years.

Yes, you have never been a friend to me.
I have been the friend,
You have only been there for what I had to offer.

How I was wrong about you,
Even when everyone could see what you were doing,
Even though a part of me knew
I choose to believe you were a friend.

I have been the one hanging on
to this friendship, like my life depended on it.
Last time I checked,
friendship is a two way thing.

I was always there to help,
and you were always having one or another,
I never for a day complained.
Countless things I have done,
But I am never one to broadcast what I do to help anyone.

So because, you seem to be a little bit better off
You are feeling on top of the world
and better than every one else.

I am not a yes person,
as you have always known.
So you cannot do things to me
and expect me to keep quiet about it.

Seeing and talking to you made me realize.
I have also stop been a friend to you.
I felt like I was talking to a complete stranger.
The friendship of 14years has come to an end,
without me even realizing it until today.
Today, as i said good bye,
I knew it is forever.

I am not jealous of your little accomplishment,
Infact i am happy for you,
I wish you the very best in life.
Even though you cease to be my friend,
I wish you the very best.
You cease to be a part of my future
because you are not my friend.
Never was, never will.
Adieu...

Finally back to reading all them blogs.
Had to go take a break from blogsville
Not that I really intended to
Internet connection was limited but am back fully.
The last ten days of the fast was hectic for me.
Work was crazy, was actually out of the office for the whole week
This Ramadan was just not it for me at all

Finally moved out of my aunts house.
The whole issue got out of hand.
From my cousins having inferiority complex,
saying that me am feeling like mama worker.
To my aunt and her husband raising some hell.

Back in my mothers house for now.
Although it's stressful and money consuming,
love waking up in my bed,
Having my privacy back and
feeling the love of my family.

I am grateful that my mother is a Landlord too in Lagos,
If not, all these shit from my aunt would have been painful.
I could not believe the words that were coming out of the woman's mouth
Her husband was practically telling me he had the intention
of throwing me out of his house,
Like am homeless and would have no where to go to.
Anyways all that is in the past now.

Looking forward to a whole phase of my life,
With Love and a move in my professional life.
I know things will be great

THE ONLY REASON!!!!

You want it all,
I have been reluctant to give you all.
You told you love,
all I could say was thank you.
You want to know why I can not love you.
Why i can not fall madly in love with you, like you?

I can love you'
I can be madly and senselessly in love with,
More than you are or can ever express.

That which we are refusing to acknowledge as an issue,
might one day, turn us apart.
You say there is nothing to worry about,
You are not bother about it.


I so want to love you,
I want to express how i feel,
because with you, i come alive.
With you, I can be fulfilled.

The only reason,
The cause of my reluctance,

is our religious difference.

I don't one day want to wake to you tell me I have to change my religion.
I love been a Muslim, and not thinking of leaving it any time soon.
Even though, I think i am in love with you.
This might forever be an issue in our lives

Wondering!!!!

• If by having erotic feeling and thought of my boo, I have broken my fast. By the way I now a boo, gist of him later...............
• If I truly like my boo or if it's societal pressure thats getting to me. I like him but not entirely ready for this whole lovey dovey thing.
• How do I explain to my nine year old sister, that the two breast do not start growing at the same time.
• I will ever make heaven, as i am even struggling to fast this period and this is really bad.
• Why some people are just plain stupid and will never mind their own business.
• Why some people always feel the need to comment on facebook, even when they just are totally off point or utterly fool of themselves